A New Year

Since I like to post everything that happens in my life, I must be sure not to leave out the bad. Life is not always as sweet as pie and I won't pretend that it is.

Back in early December I found that I was so tired. Violet had been getting up almost every 2-3 hours all night and I was getting no quality sleep. She had been doing this for several months and it didn't push me to a breaking point until Dec 8th. I broke down crying and couldn't stop. Fortunately, my mom took care of Violet and sent me home to sleep. I suspected something was up, because I don't get super emotional for no reason. I had just weaned myself off of pumping breast milk, so I thought my hormones were out of whack. I decided to take a pregnancy test the next morning.

Whoo hoo! I was preggo! I felt like a huge decision was made for me. I was struggling with whether I wanted an only child or two. I didn't know if I could handle two, but I was excited to try! I immediately went on Etsy and ordered Violet two shirts. One was this one...

and the other one was this cute one....

This was how I announced my exciting news to our family. Things were going a lot smoother this time around. The only problem I had was trying to figure out where I wanted to deliver this time and who my doctor would be. Because of my eclampsia with Violet, most people strongly encouraged me to go to MUSC. I resisted at first, because I really, really didn't want to drive downtown. But in the end, I finally decided to go with it. I had yet to go to my first appointment when the crazy holidays hit, so I was waiting until afterwards.

At 8 weeks, 2 days, I miscarried our baby on New Years Eve. I started getting small cramps about 9pm on Sunday night. By the time they increased in strength, I decided to call our insurance triage nurse for advice on which emergency room I could go to. In the end, it took about a hour and a half to finally get to the emergency room. While I was waiting at home, the pain was horrible! It felt like what people have described as labor, but I wasn't sure. The only thing I really knew is that I lost the baby because of the amount of blood. I remember when I called Greg at work, I told him that if this is what labor feels like, I am SO getting another c-section!!!

I really didn't want to wake my little Violet up so late at night, but Dad insisted on driving me to the emergency room. So we took her with us. She did pretty good. I am super grateful for my parents and that we live so close. Greg was able to meet me at the hospital and my Dad took Violet home with him.

It took several hours to go through everything at the hospital. When I was taken for an ultrasound, they asked me to empty my bladder. That was when I passed my baby. It was such a little ball. I was thankful I couldn't see it. (because of the cleaning stuff in the toilet) What I regret is flushing it myself. I should have left it for the medical staff to do. I think that sticks in my mind the most. An ultrasound confirmed it and I was wheeled back to Greg to wait. They gave me an IV and eventually sent us home.

At that point, we were both starving. I was told not to eat or drink before going to the hospital and Greg hadn't eaten for 18 hours! We stopped at Waffle House to satiate ourselves. It served two purposes. We were able to kill a little more time until it was around 6am. My dad needed to go to work, so he dropped V off. She was an angel and went right back to sleep. I got a little shut eye too. I am so grateful for Tana, our babysitter. She's a rockstar. I texted her and she came and got Violet a little later so that Greg and I could get some sleep and recover.

We went out with a bang this past year. I hope 2013 has lots of good things to come. A lot of decisions will have to be made, but I'm confident we will get through them. In the time being, Greg and I brought in the new year by planning an amazing cruise that I've really wanted to go on! It is a good distraction. I really am okay. My blog is a good source of therapy. Our angel baby has gone to spend his/her life with my Granny and Pawpaw. They will all be happy together. :)

So, from all of us and especially Violet.....

Happy New Year!
2013